Your most important personality trait

Your most important personality trait

A Self Magazine article

MY NOTE:  This is not a Christian article, but it spoke to me at this time when God has given me this message several times.

I believe the #1 most important trait you can possess is empathy. Empathy means the ability to perceive others' thoughts and feelings and to respond appropriately--or, put simply, being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. We're social creatures who need to connect with others to feel happy and healthy, and empathy is the key to human connection. The more you can understand someone else's perspective, the more you can relate to and feel close to them and, in turn, treat them with compassion and kindness. 

We all vary in our level of empathy. At one extreme end of the spectrum are sociopaths, who lack all empathy and don't express regret for committing crimes that the rest of us find atrocious (i.e. murder, rape). Some people have conditions such as autism that limit their empathy and make it more difficult to connect with others. The rest of us fall somewhere along the spectrum: We're not all Mother Teresas, acutely sensitive to human suffering and devoting our lives to serving others, but most of us possess enough empathy to interact with others and form close friendships and romantic bonds.

I read an interesting new study showing that depression chips away at your empathy, limiting your ability to be sensitive to your partner's feelings. Even more surprising is that if you're depressed, your partner is less empathetic too. That's a big problem, because mutual understanding is the foundation of intimacy, so this reduced empathy can really cause distance and have a harmful effect on a relationship. So, here's yet another reason it's so important to seek out help if you think you're depressed. The American Psychological Association">The American Psychological Association is an excellent resource to find out more about the signs and symptoms of depression, and search for a therapist. 

Curious how empathetic you are? You can find out! Simon Baron-Cohen (the brother of actor Sasha Baron-Cohen) is a professor of Developmental Psychopathology at The University of Cambridge">Developmental Psychopathology at The University of Cambridge, and he has developed an empathy scale where you can check out your level. 

Try these three strategies to become more empathetic: 

1. Spend time with people who are different than you to expose yourself to a range of perspectives and outlooks. 

2. Try volunteering. By helping others, you'll better understand where they're coming from. 

3. Keep up with current events. Tuning in to what's going on in the world around you will broaden your outlook and clue you in to the diversity of opinions and situations beyond yourself.

Proverbs 31 Ministries devotional

Craving Connection

by Renee Swope

“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:25 (NIV)

Devotion:

Do you ever catch yourself checking email repeatedly? One morning I checked my email as soon as I woke up. Then I made breakfast and checked it again. Had my devotional time and checked it again. Ran some errands and when I got home, checked it once more.

Now, I admit I have a thing about keeping white space in my inbox, but this was about more than managing emails.

I was going back for a reason. I sensed the Holy Spirit nudging me to pause and ask myself, “Why do you keep checking your email?”

I sat there and let my heart respond honestly. I wasn’t sure if it was God or me answering, but my thoughts intertwined with His Spirit whispered: You keep coming back because your heart longs for connection with a friend.

Yet no matter how many times I checked email, it was never enough to satisfy my craving.

Somewhere in the busyness of life I had let many of my friendships reduce to quick connections via email. Over the past year my schedule had gotten so full with kids, school projects, family needs, investing time in my marriage, and new responsibilities at work that something had to give.

I didn’t want it to be my family, so I asked God to help me find balance.

I had sensed Him leading me to cut back on the amount of time I spent talking on the phone, socializing with neighbors and hanging out with friends. Although I hadn’t completely cut out my friendships, my face-to-face connection time with friends had been reduced to a minimum.

That morning as I sat at my computer, I realized I had not found balance. The pendulum had swung too far.
Here I was checking email repeatedly, trying to fill a God-created need for relationships with a white screen and black alphabet keys.

My heart was craving more. God had revealed the source of my incessant email checking and shown me that I needed to fill the lonely place in my spirit with friends I could talk to and share life with — in person.

That day I called one of my closest friends. She happened to be available so I turned off my computer and took a break from work to spontaneously meet her at a coffee shop.

It was just what I needed: face-to-face, heart-to-heart, eye-to-eye connection and conversation.

I know friendships are not easy to build. They take time. And time is limited with lives that keep us so busy. But in this age of technology, it’s important to evaluate things in our lives that create a false sense of connection like email, television, text messaging and overboard activities.

Although these things are okay in moderation, they can’t substitute real-life relationships.

So what about long-distance and internet friendships? Aren’t they important, too? Yes, they are. But God created us for relationships where we can see each other, hug each other and talk to each other face-to-face.
We need to pull away from our computers and televisions to intentionally carve out time for friends that are in close proximity. Times where we can meet face-to-face to share what’s going on in our lives. Today’s key verse instructs us not to give up meeting together to worship and encourage one another. As we see here and throughout the Bible “meeting together” is important to God.

Jesus needed face-to-face connections, too. So He surrounded Himself with intimate friends — first His Father, then His close friends John, Peter and James and then the other nine disciples.

He also had friends like Mary, Martha and Lazarus. People He spent time with sharing meals and having conversations about spiritual truths that applied to their everyday lives. Through His example we see how important it is to satisfy our craving for connections by spending face-to-face time with friends.
So, who will you connect with face-to-face this week?

Dear Lord, You created me with a need for friends. Yet, I find myself rushing through my days with little time for heart-to-heart connections. Help me to seek You first as my ultimate Friend, and then reach out to others so I can have and be a close friend. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Application Steps:

Make a list of one or two friends you enjoy being with. Call them on the phone to encourage them and set up a time to get together.

If you’re not sure who to call, ask God to show you someone you can begin a friendship with. Invite them to join you for lunch or to go for a walk together this week.

Reflections:

How often do I check email or my Facebook page? Do I crave connection?
What are some steps I can take this week to develop a new friendship or strengthen an old one?

Power Verses:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (NIV)

“I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15b (NIV)

Who Made God?

Who Made God?

 Living Waters - On the Box Blog

The most common context in which the old who made God question comes in is after a detractor of the faith concedes that the universe has not always existed but, had a beginning! So picking up the conversation from there the Christian will point out that the universe could not have just popped into existence uncaused out of absolute nothingness! It is cause and effect (science 101), the universe (effect) must have a cause (God) that brought about it's existence. God (caused) the universe (effect) to exist, cause and effect! In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. It is science 101 meets Genesis 1:1.

In typical fashion and swagger the detractor will then parrot the infamous "Ok then who made God?"

By just asking the question who made God, the detractor has revealed that they don't really understand what they are asking, for if they had, they never would have honestly asked the question to begin with. We must illuminate and reiterate the point previously made, for this is where the conversation will be most fruitful. So tell them that by definition your question is malformed. Ask them if they understand why? Then help them!

The question itself is a category mistake. God by definition has always existed! More to the point, God is not an effect that requires a cause! No, He has always existed, uncaused! Break it down some more and show why the question is a category mistake by unveiling what they ask -if they intend to properly represent God- is what caused that which is uncaused? Have more examples ready: Who made that which was never-made/always-existed? It is equivalent to asking: What is the name of the married bachelor? It is a category mistake. Bachelors are single (non-married) men and God is the Infinite uncaused Cause. God by definition has always existed.

Posted By: Chad Williams

Faith In a Little

By www.jesus-is-lord-the-way-the-truth-the-life.com's FaceBook page

Faith In a Little

 

He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Luke 16:10

God rewards those who are faithful. Throughout your life God will seek to grow you in your faith. He will continually bring you to times when you must trust Him. He will lead you into situations that require a “little” faith, and if you are faithful, He will then take you into situations that require even greater trust in Him. Each time you are able to trust God at a higher level, God will reveal more of Himself to you. Your faith and experiencing God are directly linked.

The best way to tell if you are prepared for a greater revelation of God is to see how faithful you have been with what God has given you. This is a foundational principle in God’s relationships with us: If you have been faithful with the little He has given you, you are ready to be entrusted with more. If you failed to trust God with the little He gave you, He will not trust you with more. God will not lead you beyond your present level of trust and obedience to Him. He will return you to your area of unfaithfulness until you are prepared to trust Him. The children of Israel were unwilling to trust God to lead them into the Promised Land, and their generation never again was able to move forward with Him.

You stand at an exciting new door of opportunity to know God more intimately every time you believe Him. Every step of faith leads you to a deeper relationship of faith with Him. It is an open invitation to know God more intimately.

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FAITHFUL IN A LITTLE He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Luke 16:10 God rewards those who are faithful. Throughout your life God will seek to grow you in your faith. He will continually bring you to times when you must trust Him. He will lead you into situations that require a “little” faith, and if you are faithful, He will then take you into situations that require even greater trust in Him. Each time you are able to trust God at a higher level, God will reveal more of Himself to you. Your faith and experiencing God are directly linked. The best way to tell if you are prepared for a greater revelation of God is to see how faithful you have been with what God has given you. This is a foundational principle in God’s relationships with us: If you have been faithful with the little He has given you, you are ready to be entrusted with more. If you failed to trust God with the little He gave you, He will not trust you with more. God will not lead you beyond your present level of trust and obedience to Him. He will return you to your area of unfaithfulness until you are prepared to trust Him. The children of Israel were unwilling to trust God to lead them into the Promised Land, and their generation never again was able to move forward with Him. You stand at an exciting new door of opportunity to know God more intimately every time you believe Him. Every step of faith leads you to a deeper relationship of faith with Him. It is an open invitation to know God more intimately. Blackaby Ministries

God Doesn’t Want You Out of This Mess (Yet)

an Everyday Christian devotional
God Doesn’t Want You Out of This Mess (Yet) 
By Amy Vogel

One of the most famous and frightening quotes in Scripture is Matthew 27:45-49.  In those lines, we witness the connection of Jesus to His Father - severed.  This mystery is hard to grasp, but Christ made it clear, in those moments hanging on the Cross – The Father was far from Him.

Currently, everyone in my immediate family is walking a path of suffering.  In daily prayer, our hearts plead for relief.  But I am not sure God wants that.  Surely, He wants His children free of pain, toil, fear.  However, on this earth, He asks us to face our messes head on.  Some of it is self-inflicted; some brought on by the sin of others; and some is the result of random statistics. 

The messes we are in happened under The Lord’s authority.  Nothing happens on His watch that does not first pass through His Hands.  But if we do not hold on to that fact, and that He made us to overcome it all – we will chose to see Him as a distant autocrat – and not very likeable. 

That is a sad way to walk through difficulty.  To feel abandoned and alone is something I would not wish on my worst enemy.  It leads to terrible, soul-breaking decisions; which is why I believe Jesus made it very clear - trouble is coming.  If He was not exempt from it, we wouldn’t be either.

When we cry for deliverance, when we doubt and question – that’s ok.  We are following in His footsteps, those Matthew documented.  We just can’t stay there. 

William Willimon, in his book on Good Friday, states:

“We don’t want to overhear such terrible, terrifying words…because we don’t want to know that that’s the kind of God we’ve got, the kind of God who does not always work the world to our benefit, the kind of God who, when it gets dark, doesn’t immediately switch on the lights but rather comes and hangs out with us, on the cross, in the dark, and lets us in on…the very heart of the Trinity.” (Thank God It’s Friday, p.45)

When tough times hit, we have got to remember we are not only a people of deliverance.  We are also a people of perseverance.  In the midst of our mess, we not only to ask how would Jesus respond, but as Eugene Peterson puts it, we must ask what God is doing (The Jesus Way, p. 38.)  In seasons of suffering, we get familiar with what it is like to walk in the dark – and often that is the only way to see His light, shining from us.

The Apostle Peter said it in his first letter (1 Peter 4:12-19).  He says we shouldn’t bat an eye when it is our turn on the wheel of hurt.  Everyone, believer or not, gets their chance to endure something.  God allows it for His children because He is crafting us like His Son.  He can’t always do that during the good times.  We realize our stamina comes from our belief in His Power; and when it is over, we pay His Love back, comforting others. 

When we are hurting, our release has to come from an out-of-this world place, not from the easy fixes at hand.  We must seek the joy of connection to Jesus, reach beyond the pain.  That is what makes our joy, here and now – and ultimately in the end, so substantial.

When We Get Disappointed

an Everyday Christian devotional 
When We Get Disappointed 
By Kelli Zaniel

“But, I want to be in the talent show, mom,” my 1^stgrader whimpered. She wanted to sing in the talent show with a friend who suddenly developed cold feet.

As the cold air began singing around her, a solitary tear of grief welled up in the corner of her eye. All of the sudden, the dam broke and a flood of disappointment coursed down her six year old face. As I watched her, my eyes screamed out for justice. A soft voice echoed through the hallway of my mind, “You remember what it’s like to be disappointed, don’t you?”

Disappointment is a feeling of being let down, a feeling of sadness or frustration because something was not as good, attractive, or satisfactory as expected.

God designed us to live in anticipation and expectation of Him. He created us to be goal-seekers and plan-makers. When we project a specific outcome, we live in expectation of seeing it come to fruition. Seeing our hopes and dreams realized.

“Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around.” --Proverbs 13:12, (MSG)

Has your heart ever been sick with disappointment?

My casserole tasted like rubber at the dinner party. 

That relationship didn’t work out the way I thought it would.

The sting of disappointment hurts, sometimes for a long time. We long for God to apply the healing salve that will take the pain away forever.

Just because we are followers of Jesus doesn’t mean we are immune to disappointment.

When things don’t go our way, we have a tendency to gripe and complain to anyone who will listen. We say with finger-snapping punctuation, “Oh, unh-unh, it wasn’t supposed to be this way.” Seemingly, this only stirs the pot and keeps a steady boil bubbling in our hearts.

God listens.

God’s a good listener. He doesn’t mind hearing all about our complaints. He prefers we go to him first, not our best girlfriend or even our mama. Why not go straight to the One who can actually do something about our circumstances.

God doesn’t turn his back.

God didn’t turn his back or roll his eyes as the Psalmist sang in frustration over their disappointments. He listened to each poetic account of hurt and heartbreak. This resulted in God’s glorification even in the midst of their personal turmoil. In the end, they were the recipients of God’s best and greatest blessings.

When expectation and disappointment collide, there is only one thing to do.

Get to Jesus.

Get there without delay.

Don’t pause to look around.

Run.

Get to Him.

He will dislodge the hurt and bitterness that threatens divine intimacy with him. He will prune away limbs of disappointment before they overshadow God’s Fruit of the Spirit in our lives.

So what do we do the next time our soul dips low from aches of disappointment? We must remember to get to Jesus, quickly.We must abide in the truth of Psalm 22:5 that says, when we get to Jesus we will “NOT be disappointed.”

10 Steps to Make Godly Decisions

an Everyday Christian devotional
10 Steps to Make Godly Decisions
By Gina Burgess
This process can be applied to any situation where you need to make an important decision. If you follow these ten basic steps, you will find yourself making wiser decisions in your professional as well as your personal life. Just remember, Proverbs 16:33 The lot is cast into the lap, But its every decision is from the LORD. When a person slogs through life being blown by every wind, it is sadly a lack of asking for godly wisdom.

• Define, as specifically as possible, what the decision is that needs to be made. Is this really your decision or someone else's? Do you really need to make a decision? (If you do not have at least two options, there is no decision to be made.) When does the decision need to be made? Why is this decision important to you? Who will be affected by this decision? What values does this decision involve for you?

Daniel 4:17 'This decision is by the decree of the watchers, And the sentence by the word of the holy ones, In order that the living may know That the Most High rules in the kingdom of men, Gives it to whomever He will, And sets over it the lowest of men.'

• Write down as many alternatives as you can think of. Brainstorm as many different alternatives as you can imagine. Let your imagination run free and try not to censure anything; this is not the time to be judgmental. Just be sure to write everything down.

2 Samuel 24:12 "Go and tell David, 'Thus says the LORD: "I offer you three things; choose one of them for yourself, that I may do it to you." ' " Notice in the following verses, those choices were not pleasant. Seven years of famine in Israel, three months of running from his enemies, or three days of plague. David wisely chose to fall into God’s hands. 2 Samuel 24:14 And David said to Gad, "I am in great distress. Please let us fall into the hand of the LORD, for His mercies are great; but do not let me fall into the hand of man."

• Think where you could find more information about possible alternatives. If you only come up with a few options, you may want to get more information. Additional information generally leads to more alternatives. One of the most accurate places is through prayer. God will call to your mind things that you may have forgotten, or lead you to a source you never knew about.

Psalm 121:1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the LORD, from whence cometh my help.

• Write down all of your options, then sort through them. Now that you have your list of alternatives, it is time to begin evaluating them to see which one works for you. Beside each option, write down the values that would come into play for each alternative: morals, principles, monetary cost, and things not so obvious such as how that decision would effect family, spouse, children, parents. Second, look for the alternatives which would allow you to use the greatest number of your values. Third, cross the alternatives off the list which do not fit into your personal value framework.

David chose to put himself in God’s hand over and over again. Joseph reaped the huge benefit of forgiveness toward his brothers. Boaz reaped the benefit of choosing family duty and he stands in the lineage of Jesus. (Of course, Ruth’s beauty was also an added benefit.)

• Visualize the outcomes of each alternative. For each remaining alternative on your list, picture what the outcome of that alternative will look like. Here, too, it helps if you write out your impressions. Jeremiah hashed out his question to God, “Why do the wicked prosper?” In chapter 12, he drew the complete picture.
• Do a reality check. Which of your remaining alternatives are most likely to happen? Sometimes it is fun to daydream about beaches and mountains or winning the lottery, but reality eventually sets in so cross off those alternatives that most likely will not happen to you.

Job 42:1-6 Then Job answered the LORD and said: 2 "I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You. 3 You asked, 'Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?' Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. 4 Listen, please, and let me speak; You said, 'I will question you, and you shall answer Me.' 5 "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You. 6 Therefore I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes."

• Which alternative fits you? Review your remaining alternatives and decide which ones feel most comfortable to you. These are your wise decisions. If you are very happy about a decision, but are not as comfortable with its possible outcome, this is a clue that this is not a wise decision for you. On the other hand, you may dislike an alternative, but be very excited about the possible outcome. This decision would probably not be wise for you either. If you feel you can not only live with both the alternative as well as the possible outcome, but are also excited about it, then this is the wise decision you should follow. Remember God is most present in a decision when we are fearful we can accomplish it. This makes much more room for God to work, and lessens our vise-like grasp on the reins.

Exodus 3:11 But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?" 12 So He said, "I will certainly be with you. And this shall be a sign to you that I have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain."

• Get started! Once you have made your decision, get moving on it. Worrying or second-guessing yourself will only cause grief. You have done your very best for the present. Trust God to let you know you must make a change in direction for He absolutely will if your desire is to obey Him. Remember, no decision is set in stone, except those decreed by God, of course.

Exodus 4:18 So Moses went and returned to Jethro his father-in-law, and said to him, "Please let me go and return to my brethren who are in Egypt, and see whether they are still alive." And Jethro said to Moses, "Go in peace." God gave Moses a clear plan of action before Moses ever confronted Pharoah. His bullet points were the plagues ending with the Angel of Death moving through Egypt taking all the first born.

• How is it going? Be sure to review your decision at pre-determined points along the road. Are the outcomes what you expected? Are you happy with the outcomes? Do you want to let the decision stand or would you like to make some adjustments? If the decision did not come out the way you planned, go through the complete decision-making process again. In the process, answer the following questions: Did I not have enough information? What values actually came into play? Were they my values or someone else's? Remember, God is very generous with godly wisdom, so never stop asking Him for it. He will guide you as no other can.

(This process was inspired by the Small Business Administration's advice on making business decisions.)