Do it now!

Do it now!

Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

To one who knows the right thing to do, and does not do it, to him, it is sin (James 4:17, NASB).

Friend to Friend

Procrastination is one of the greatest sources of stress in life. I once heard a preacher tell the old story of three demons who were arguing over the best way to destroy the Christian movement. The first demon had it all figured out. "Let's tell all the Christians that there is no heaven. If we take away the reward incentive, their movement will collapse." The second demon responded with, "No, I have a better idea. Let's tell all of the Christians that there really is no hell. If we take away their fear of punishment, their movement will collapse." The third demon offered, "Both of those are great ideas, but there is a better way. Let's tell all the Christians that there is no hurry." The other demons applauded in delight! "That's it!" they said. "Our best weapon of all is procrastination."

Procrastination is understandable and normal - humanly speaking - but procrastination is not part of God's best plan for our lives. We don't often view procrastination as sin, but it is. Sin is not merely doing wrong. It is failing to do what you know you should do - when you know you should do it. Knowledge equals responsibility. Procrastination and disobedience are just opposite sides of the same coin.

Sin usually brings pleasure for at least the moment. If you are on a diet and want to have just one bite of a chocolate candy bar - but end up eating three chocolate candy bars - it is because you wanted more of that chocolate pleasure and simply could not make yourself stop at one bite - right? Or maybe you go shopping with a set amount you can spend on a new pair of shoes and end up buying three pairs of shoes only to realize that you need a dress to go with them, and a new purse to go with the dress, and new jewelry to match the shoes, purse and dress and ... well, you get the idea. It is easy to understand how we get caught up in sins like gluttony, lust and greed because they all bring momentary pleasure. 

Procrastination is different in that it helps us avoid doing the things we don't want to do - the tasks that require personal discipline and a commitment to godly goals. Wasting time often creates a restless feeling that produces a sense of failure. When the deadline we were supposed to meet has come and gone or the dreaded task we keep putting off spirals out of control - guilt sets in. We try to rationalize it away when the simple truth is that we have sinned. 

The key to dealing with procrastination begins with a commitment to obey God and exercise His wisdom. Joyce Meyer once said, "Wisdom always chooses to do now what it will be satisfied with later on." We can choose to be led by wisdom rather than our momentary feelings. We can choose to make right choices. We can learn to be good stewards of the time God has given us.  

I once attended a leadership conference that changed my life in many ways. The speakers did not talk about money or success. They focused on the fact that God created each one of us in response to His unique plan for our lives. One of the simplest but most powerful mottos I came away from that conference with was: "Do it now!" Do you realize that it takes as much energy to avoid a task as it does to do it? Procrastination drains energy while action produces energy. God empowers us to do what He calls us to do. 

Matthew 6:33 (NCV) "The thing you should want most is God's kingdom and doing what God wants. Then all these other things you need will be given to you."

Truth is for now. God is not impressed with good intentions. Obedience today is the greatest preparation for every tomorrow. So do what you know to do today! The Proverbs 31 woman did. In fact, Scripture tells us she could "laugh at the days to come" (Proverbs 31:25). In other words, this woman fully lived in the present but carefully planned and prepared for the future. Proverbs 31:19 indicates that she made thread with her hands and weaved her own cloth: "In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers." Notice she only made thread and cloth - not the finished product of clothes. That was a task for the future. She was simply getting ready today to meet the needs of tomorrow. The result was a life filled with hope and lived out in purpose. 

Let's Pray

Father, please forgive me for putting off what I know You want me to do. Help me to be more disciplined with my time. Teach me how to find and live by Your priorities for my life. I want to do what You created me to do, Lord. Show me how to live a life of power and purpose.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Don't Scratch That Itch!

Don't Scratch That Itch!
Gwen Smith

Today's Truth
"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed" (James 1:13-14 NIV).

Friend To Friend
I once woke up with a spider bite that was the size of a quarter. It may as well have been the size of North Carolina for as much as it itched! I was half-tempted to scratch off my arm. That nasty bite was just begging to be scratched. However, I have learned a thing or two in my thirty-something years, and one thing I know for sure: it is best not to scratch this type of itch.

It would be like opening a bag of chips with the naive intention of eating only one (yeah, right!) I knew that if I started scratching my bug bite, it would be nearly impossible to stop.  I would regret having ever started.

Super-itchy bug bites are a lot like temptations. Temptations are itchy! The call on us with urgent voices that scream, "Scratch me!  Scratch me!"  Yet, in all reality, a little scratch will not satisfy temptation's itch at all...it will just make matters worse. When we scratch the itch of temptation, the itch does not diminish. To the contrary, it increases.

The Bible teaches us that when we resist temptation, our faith is then mobilized and the muscles of our character are strengthened. Let's look at what that looked like for a guy named Joseph. (For the full account, pause here and read Genesis 39.)

Joseph was a man of integrity who did right in the eyes of the Lord, but he definitely faced some temptation! He was seduced by temptation in the form of his master's wife, Mrs. Potiphar. You see, Mrs. Potiphar wanted her husband's right-hand man to sleep with her, and she pursued him with aggression. Hers was a hand-delivered invitation for Joseph to sin that had itchy written all over it.  But he flat-out refused. His heart was determined to honor God.
"My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife.  How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" Though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her (Genesis 39:9-10).

Temptation chased Joseph relentlessly. Oh, how he must have longed for the itching to stop! To give in would be sinful. To give in was simply not an option for this young man of character. So on the day that Potiphar's wife caught him by the cloak and begged again for Joseph to sleep with her, Joseph ran out of the house. He ran from that tempting situation as fast as his legs would carry him.

God was honored in Joseph's response.

He ran from temptation.

We would be wise to do the same.

What do you need to run from today? Have you determined in your heart to honor God in everything? Temptation comes in all shapes and sizes.  It might be calling your name from your pantry - or from your computer - or from a bottle - or from another cubicle in your office.  What temptations do you face today?  Name them and run the other way! Don't scratch that itch! Determine in your heart that you will choose the path that brings honor to God, and call on Him for strength.

I realize that dealing with temptation is not easy. When that nasty spider bit my arm, I struggled not to scratch the bite. I had to re-direct my thinking to persevere through the temptation. When we come face to face with temptations, God's strength is always available to us. We need God's strength. Ours will fail us. Friend, when we resist temptation, we get to experience the peace and protection of God, our faith is mobilized and the muscles of our character are strengthened.

Let's Pray
Dear Lord, I need You so much. I constantly find myself being dragged away and enticed by temptation. Please give me strength to run the other way, and give me the wisdom to run to Your arms. I want to be a woman of godly character. Help me be that woman!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Finding Hope for My Future Despite the Pain of My Past

Finding Hope for My Future Despite the Pain of My Past
Renee Swope

    "’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’" Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

"God works all things together for good."

"You were created for a purpose"

"God has a plan for your life."

What do you feel when you read these promises? Do you believe them, or do you sometimes question if they’re true for you?

I’ve doubted, and I’ve believed.

Soon after I surrendered my life to Christ, I started struggling with painful things from my past that made me doubt God’s promises. I wondered: If God loves me, why has He allowed so much pain in my life?

If He loved me, why did God allow my family to be broken by adultery and divorce, shattered by confusion and chaos, shaken by alcohol and drug addictions and so much more? And why didn’t He stop me from the pain I brought on myself, or keep me from the darkness of depression?

One afternoon I got the courage to tell my friend Wanda about my doubts and questions. I remember how she didn’t give me a pat answer, but looked at me with understanding in her eyes and told me she was sorry. Then she told me her story, which included many disappointments and heartbreaks. Yet, I didn’t sense doubt or pain in her words. Instead, I sensed confidence and hope.

Turning the pages of her Bible to Jeremiah 29, Wanda read today’s key verse as a promise to me: "’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’" (v. 11)

She then told me God wanted to heal the pain of my past and use what I’d experienced to pave the way to His plans for my future. But I didn’t want God to use my pain or my past. How would any of it do anything good for anyone, especially me?

Have you ever felt that way or asked: "If God loves me, then why…?"

These are the kind of questions that can linger in our hearts when we’ve been wounded and disappointed. And hurts that aren’t healed can lead to bitterness and bondage. Yet, in the security of a relationship with Jesus, God invites us to ask hard questions and look for answers that usher us into the depths of His redeeming love and healing power.

Can I whisper some hope into your heart today? If you are living and breathing, your purpose has not yet been fulfilled. No matter what you have done or what has been done to you, God does have a plan for your life.

So, how can you discover those plans? Let’s read the premise that follows the promise in Jeremiah 29. After God declares He knows the plans He has for us, He says, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (v.12-13)

We find God’s plans when we surrender ours to Him each day. It’s a moment by moment process of coming to Him, talking to Him, believing He listens and letting Him love us into a place of hope and healing.

God’s love is not a quick-fix for our wounds, but it has the power to redeem and restore us into confident hope. When we allow the Holy Spirit poured out like Living water to go deep into our pain, He can heal our hearts from the inside out.

As we process the pain of our yesterdays and live through the disappointments of our todays, doubts may still creep up, threatening to steal our hope. But each time that happens, we can stop and seek God in that place. We can ask Him to show us His purpose by revealing what is true about who we are and what we have been through to make us start doubting.

Then we can ask Him to help us re-define our future, not through the filter of our past and pain, but through the power of His life-giving truth. And do you know what happens when we do that moment by moment, day by day, doubt by doubt? God tells us in Jeremiah 29:14, "I will be found by you…and will bring you back from captivity."

We find Him again and again. We find the One who longs to lead us out of captivity to our doubts into a place of freedom and hope. I know this is true because I have walked it, wrestled with it, resisted it and finally surrendered to it.

God’s love is not only unfailing, it redeems and restores. His Truth cuts to the core of our struggles, bringing purpose to our pain, redemption from our past and hope for our future!

    Lord, heal my hurts and give me hope as I learn to trust the plans You have for me. I’m coming to You and seeking You with all my heart today. Please set me free from my doubts and lead me into a place of confident hope. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

When God Hurts Your Feelings

When God Hurts Your Feelings
Lysa TerKeurst

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV 1984)

Has God ever hurt your feelings? I’ll be honest, sometimes I’ll read those verses from Philippians listed above and think to myself, “This is a tough pill to swallow.”

Content in any and every situation?

Really?

Several years ago my daughter was a state champion gymnast. To see her do gymnastics was like looking at God smile. She was beautiful, graceful, and captivating to watch.

One night while practicing for one of the largest tournaments she’d ever compete in, she fell. It was a move she’d done hundreds of times with the greatest of ease. But this time something went terribly wrong and that one mistake ended her gymnastic dreams.

We spent a year going from doctor to doctor only to be told she’d never be able to support the weight of her body on her injured shoulder again.

I’ll be honest, this was heart wrenching. Watching a 14 year old girl wrestle with the fact her dreams were stripped from her doesn’t exactly lend itself to feelings of contentment. Now, I know in the grand scheme of life, people face much worse situations. But in her world, this was huge.

It was so tempting to wallow in the “why” questions and tell God He’d hurt our feelings.

Why did this happen?

Why didn’t You stop this God?

Why weren’t my prayers answered?

Have you ever been there? Have you ever had a big situation in your life where you just couldn’t process why God would allow this to happen? Or maybe even a small annoyance like losing your keys or having a flat tire on a morning you really needed to be somewhere.

It’s so tempting to wallow in the why.

Asking why is perfectly normal. Asking why isn’t unspiritual. However, if asking why pushes us farther from God rather than drawing us closer to Him, it is the wrong question.

If asking why doesn’t offer hope, what will?

The what question.

In other words: “Now that this is my reality, what am I supposed to do with it?”

Philippians 4:8, “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (NIV)

I like to call this verse “directions on where to park my mind.”

And that’s exactly what Ashley has had to do with her dashed gymnastics dreams. Instead of wallowing in why did this happen, I’ve had to help her say:

This is my reality, now what am I going to do with it?

What can I learn from this?

What part of this is for my protection?

What other opportunities could God be providing?

What maturity could God be building into me?

Switching from the why to the what question paves the road to parking our mind in a much better place.

Is it always easy? Nope.

But is it a way to find a perspective beyond situations where we feel God has allowed something in our lives we don’t understand and we absolutely don’t like? Yes.

I pray this helps you today. You can also download a free resource on how to change your why questions into what questions. Just go to my blog, www.LysaTerKeurst.com and click on the button “When God Hurts Your Feelings.”

Dear Lord, I want to process everything I face in life through the filter of Your love. I know You love me. But sometimes it’s just hard to understand the circumstances that come my way. I find myself consumed with trying to figure things out rather than looking for Your perspective and trusting You. Thank You for this new way to look at things. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

My Thoughts vs. God’s Word

My Thoughts vs. God’s Word
Melissa Taylor

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” John 10:10 (NKJV)

Do you ever question if you are good enough? Are you more likely to dwell on what’s wrong with you than what’s right with you?

One day I realized I was scrutinizing myself to find out what my problem was. The more I picked myself apart, the more it dawned on me another voice was egging me on; the voice of the enemy, Satan. As I listened to his lies, my sense or worth and security were zapped.

For a long time I didn’t even recognize him for who he was. The negative thoughts and deceitful suggestions simply sounded like my own voice.

The Bible opens with a serpent slithering into the lives of Adam and Eve. He filled their heads with lies they believed which separated them from God. Jesus, too, was tempted by this liar. He was ready though, with the Word of God, to defeat the evil one.

We too can have this weapon in our arsenal. As we fill our hearts and minds with Truth, we can defeat the lies we tell ourselves and the lies Satan whispers to our hearts.

When I compare my negative thoughts to God’s Word, the differences amaze me:

My thoughts: I want to give up.

God’s Word: Be committed. Matthew 5:33-37

My thoughts: I’ll feel lost.

God’s Word: He watches my paths and establishes my ways. Proverbs 5:21, 4:26

My thoughts: No one loves me.

God’s Word: He loves me more than life. John 3:16

My thoughts: I’m ugly.

God’s Word: I’m wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

My thoughts: I’m all alone and no one understands me.

God’s Word: He will never leave me. He has plans for my life. Deuteronomy 31:6, Jeremiah 29:11

My thoughts: I’m just not good enough.

God’s Word: I was created in His image. Genesis 1:26

Are you ready to replace lies with God’s truth, so when the enemy tries to slither back in with false accusations, you’ll be ready to combat him with what God’s Word says about you?

To get started, evaluate your thoughts and pray for wisdom to distinguish the voice of the enemy. Condemning thoughts that steal your confidence of who you are in Christ aren’t from God. Let’s commit today to renew our mind with the Word of God each day, and replace those worn-out, deceitful lies with Truth.

Dear Lord, thank You for Your life-giving truth. Please fill me with Your Word so that I can live in freedom and confidence! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Faith over Feelings

Faith over Feelings
Tracie Miles

“…for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” Psalm 25:5b (NIV)

I spent months working on it, with big expectations and high hopes. In the blink of an eye it was crushed. This reality tore into my heart like a jagged knife, ripping my dream into tiny little shreds. Disappointment was so great it was difficult to process my feelings. I had worked tirelessly on this project and now I felt disappointment and rejection.

Disappointment soon turned to irritation which morphed into resentment. I didn’t FEEL it was fair.

Why didn’t God answer my prayers? Why had He placed a dream in my heart only to allow it to crumble? Why had He let this happen? Why me?

I knew I needed to have a good attitude and not give up, but I did not FEEL like doing that at all!

Questions pummeled my brain. What is the use? Why try again? If God didn’t answer my prayer after all this time, why bother keep trying?

I allowed my FEELings to overtake my FAITH.

All I could think about was how this disappointment made me feel, instead of what God may be doing that my faith could not see. I felt things weren’t fair, without remembering God’s ways are best. I felt a longing for immediate results, instead of trusting God’s timing is perfect.

My feelings had gotten in the way of my faith, so I turned to Psalm 25 (NIV) for perspective. The following verses washed over my spirit.

Verse 1, “In you, LORD my God, I put my trust.”

I felt discouraged, unworthy, hopeless, rejected. So I poured my feelings and my soul out to God. And He listened.

Verse 2, “I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.”

God reminded me to trust Him, not a desire or a dream. Not the world’s view. Not my abilities. Not my timeframe. Not my ideas. Trust Him alone. I prayed about my enemies—intangible feelings such as self doubt, insecurity, frustration, and discouragement.

Verse 3, “No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.”

Regardless of whether or not my desires become a reality, I will not be put to shame, because God is my God. If His plans coincide with my dreams, I know He will keep His eternal promises.

Verses 4-5a, “Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me,”

These words stopped me in my tracks. I began to think more rationally. Why did I beat my head against a wall? Why was I consumed with anxiety and frustration? Was I allowing God to direct my paths? God gently reminded me He is the teacher, I am the student.

Verse 5b, “…for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

If I put my hope in my own desires and abilities, I set myself up for failure. My only hope for joy and fulfillment comes from Christ alone. Hope is found in Him, not people, a career, your husband or children, church, financial success, a carefree life, or dreams that come true.

Disappointments will happen. With God, however, we can turn those disappointments into God’s appointments to trust Him. The first step is to exercise faith over feelings.

Dear Lord, You know the hurt in my heart and the sting of disappointments I have experienced. Please help me trust You, instead of being consumed by feelings. Empower me with a faith that is stronger than my emotions. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I Need a Friend Part 5

I Need a Friend

Part 5

Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

But Ruth replied, 'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.' When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her (Ruth 1:16-18, NIV).

Friend to Friend

Friendship is the catalyst for every other love and the foundation of every healthy relationship. God created us to need each other. We need friends and we need to be a friend. Over the past few weeks, we have examined the friendship between Naomi and Ruth, a relationship that illustrates vital keys to a healthy relationship between friends. 

Key one: Time

Key two: Risk

Key three: Transparency

Key four: Touch

Key five: Correction

Key six: Forgiveness

Key seven: Freedom

Key eight: Loyalty

One of the most important friendship keys is loyalty. Ruth was loyal to Naomi. God honored that loyalty and used it to attract her future husband, Boaz. "Boaz replied, "I've been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband--how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before" (Ruth 2:11). Boaz was struck by the loyalty of Ruth, realizing that she was the kind of woman he wanted to marry. True friends are loyal and committed to each other. Here are some ways to build loyalty into friendship.

• Don't criticize friends to other people.
• Cheer at the successes of your friends.
• Encourage the strengths of your friends. 
• Never use a friend's weaknesses to your advantage.
• Overlook "cracks" in the armor and "tilted" halos of friends.

Protect the heart of your friend by guarding your friendship with loyalty.

Key nine:  Action

Ruth demonstrated her love for Naomi by her actions. She went with her to Bethlehem and worked in the field for her. "Let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action" (1 John 3:18). The best friendships are created by layers of kind actions.  

1.  Rituals or traditions are one of most important ingredients in a healthy friendship. It may be a weekly lunch date, annual shopping trip or dinner and a movie once a month. The best friendships are rich with memories accumulated over time.

2.  Gifts are a symbol of time and energy spent for a friend. It is not the cost or size of the gift, but the thought behind it that says, "She thought of me." It is a tangible reminder of relationship. Notes, funny cards, a favorite snack or magazine, phone calls for no reason, favors done back and forth are all tiny statements of love. When my husband was in the hospital, one friend bought groceries, picked up my kids from school and delivered my cleaning. I didn't ask for help, but she knew I needed help. When you sense a need, just do it, because sometimes, hurting friends can't ask for help.

3. Words of a friend are filled with acceptance and approval. In friendships, we need to be cautious with criticism and liberal with praise. Paul writes, "So encourage each other to build each other up." (1 Thessalonians 5:11). People become what we encourage them to be. A true friend trains his heart and mind to pass over faults in search of strong points. Choose to draw the strong qualities of friends into the spotlight and be their cheerleader. Friends look for reasons to praise God in each other.  

4.  Listening by definition means "attention, with the intention to understand." James says we should be "quick to listen and slow to speak" (James 1:19). Talking is sharing but listening is caring. Take a tip from creation.  Ears aren't made to shut but the mouth is. Put away your sermon, save your advice and just listen. Sometimes the best gift a friend can offer is a listening ear.

The words of Jesus found in John 13:34-35, portray the perfect backdrop for God's love. "And so I am giving a new commandment to you now--love each other just as much as I love you. Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples." Does the world know we are His disciples by the way we love and relate to each other? 

   

Chad was a shy, quiet little boy. One day he came home and told his mother he'd like to make a valentine for everyone in his class. Her heart sank. "I wish he wouldn't do that!" she thought. She had watched the children when they walked home from school. Her Chad was always behind them. They laughed and hung on to each other and talked to each other. But Chad was never included. Nevertheless, she decided she would go along with her son. She purchased the paper, glue and crayons and for three whole weeks, night after night, Chad painstakingly made thirty-five valentines. Valentine's Day dawned, and Chad was frantic with excitement! He carefully placed the valentines in a bag, and bolted out the door. His mom decided to bake his favorite cookies because she knew he would be disappointed when he came home from school. It hurt her to think that he wouldn't get many valentines -- maybe none at all. That afternoon she had the cookies and milk on the table. Finally, when she heard their voices, she looked out the window to see the children laughing and having the best time. As usual, there was Chad in the rear but walking a little faster than usual. She fully expected him to burst into tears as soon as he got inside. His arms were empty, she noticed, and when the door opened, she choked back the tears. "Honey, I have some warm cookies and milk for you" but he hardly heard her words.  He just marched right on by, his face glowing, and all he could say was: "Not a one -- not one." The mother's heart sank. Then he added, "I didn't forget a one, not a single one!" When God is in control of our friendships, we will be a better friend and have more true friends.  

Let's Pray

Father, I know that I really do need friends but often let the fear of rejection keep me from reaching out in friendship. I choose against that fear right now. I want to please and honor You by the way I love my friends. Help me to become the kind of friend that points others to You. 

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

I Need a Friend Part 4

I Need a Friend

Part 4

Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

But Ruth replied, 'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.' When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her (Ruth 1:16-18, NIV).

Friend to Friend

Friendship is the catalyst for every other love and the foundation of every healthy relationship.  God created us to need each other.  We need friends and we need to be a friend.  Over the next few weeks, we will uncover nine keys to healthy friendships.

Key one: Time

Key two:  Risk

Key three: Transparency

Key four: Touch

Key five:  Correction

Key six:   Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a spiritual truth and principle that, as Christians, we teach, preach and encourage. Forgiveness is also easier said than done. Yet, the very foundation for godly life is integrity. If we cannot forgive, we have no spiritual integrity.

Naomi was Ruth's mother-in-law and after a close examination of their circumstances, you can imagine the potential for conflict in their relationship. Naomi was a godly woman whose son had married Ruth, a woman who did not worship God. Yet, they loved each other. Forgiveness had to be part of their friendship.  

Forgiveness has to be part of every friendship. The first step taken in the process of forgiveness is always our responsibility while the outcome and the healing are God's responsibility. Paul writes in Colossians 3:13 that we must "bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." To "bear with" means to "put up with" and "grievances" means "complaints." In other words, we are to put up with any complaints we have with each other without retaliation or revenge. There's more. The verse goes on to tell us to forgive like Jesus did - which means taking the initiative in forgiving as well as being quick to give and receive forgiveness.  

We often make the mistake of thinking forgiveness depends upon feelings, rights, justification or a variety of other man-made excuses. Forgiveness is a deliberate choice, a chosen attitude and a discipline of the heart and will. In fact, forgiveness is a choice that leads to an action that may or may not result in a feeling. A friend of Clara Barton, founder of the American Red Cross, once reminded her of an especially cruel act that someone had done to her years before, but Miss Barton seemed not to recall it. "Don't you remember?" her friend asked. "No," replied Clara Barton. "I distinctly remember forgetting it." Healthy friendships practice forgiveness.

Key seven:  Freedom

Healthy friendships are relationships where each person gives the other room to grow and change. Instead of possessing their friends, they encourage them to grow and change. Paul says it simply and clearly, "Love is not possessive" (I Corinthians 13:4 ). The friendship of Ruth and Naomi certainly demonstrates this kind of freedom. Naomi was willing to let Ruth start a whole new life that did not even include her. Naomi gave Ruth the gift of freedom and, as a result, gained a friendship beyond measure. Neither Ruth nor Naomi was sure of the future, but they both knew there would be changes. They also knew that their friendship was secure enough to withstand those changes. Notice that Naomi gave Orpah freedom to leave and did not condemn her when she left. Naomi gave Orpah the gift of freedom as well, with different but right results.

When a person changes, their relationships will also change. If friendship falters when one friend changes, the relationship is likely built upon the wrong foundation and operates with erroneous motives. The heart of every healthy friendship has a thread of elastic running through it. Without the freedom to change and grow, friendship becomes a prime target for jealousy. Jealousy can ruin and has ruined many friendships because jealousy feeds on unrealistic expectations and is the result of overloading one relationship with emotional needs that only God can satisfy. True friends give each other freedom. It is from that freedom that a deeper friendship, a healthier relationship will grow. 

I am acutely aware of those who want to be my friend because of what they believe they can gain from a relationship with the pastor's wife - access to ministry "secrets", a sense of importance, admission into "the inner circle." I am constantly amazed by this ridiculous mindset and fully believe it is an affront to the Kingdom and the very heart of God. I have the solution. Have a "Pedestal Burning Party." It doesn't matter who put that pedestal in place. Pedestals are stages on which pride, self-importance and sin perform their greatest works.  Burn every pedestal in sight, ladies! Oh, and while you are at it, throw in all of those masks you have worn for so long! When you walk in humility, authenticity and transparency, you will be a better friend and find true friendship.  

Let's Pray

Father, please forgive me when I allow jealousy to have a place in my heart. Teach me how to celebrate with my friends as they grow and change and succeed. Help me remember how Your forgiveness covers my sin and empowers me to forgive others. I lay down every grudge and resentment in my heart. I choose to forgive those who have hurt me and commit to seek the forgiveness of those I have hurt. Thank You for the love and grace I can only find in knowing You. 

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

I Need a Friend Part 3

I Need a Friend

Part 3

Mary Southerland

Today's Truth
But Ruth replied, 'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.' When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her (Ruth 1:16-18, NIV).

Friend to Friend
Friendship is the catalyst for every other love and the foundation of every healthy relationship.  God created us to need each other.  We need friends and we need to be a friend. Over the next few weeks, we will uncover nine keys to healthy friendships.

Key one: Time
Key two: Risk
Key three: Transparency


Key four: Touch

Women are such emotional critters. I can almost see Naomi and Ruth hugging each other or holding hands as their friendship was forged through love, sorrow, pain and loss. The earthly ministry of Jesus constantly demonstrated the power of love poured out through His touch. The touch of Jesus brought healing to the sick, sight to the blind and life to the dead. In Matthew, He stretched out his hand and touched the leper (Matthew 8:3). Mark tells us that Jesus took the children in His arms (Mark 10:16 ). I am always amazed that even though Jesus could have healed the blind and sick with just a word, a breath, a glance or even a thought, He often chose to touch the broken ones in order to make them whole. Physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. 


A group of medical students, training in the children's ward of a large metropolitan hospital, learned the power of touch in an unusual way. Day after day, the eager students made their rounds together, all of them visiting the same children, performing the same routine medical procedures. However, it soon became obvious to all that one particular medical student was especially loved by the children. Whenever he walked into the ward, the face of each child lit up. The medical students did not understand why the kids seemed to love this particular student more. Curious, they decided to follow their co-worker, hoping to learn his secret. They did.  Every night, when he made his last rounds, this beloved young student kissed each child good-night and tucked them into bed. In Ephesians 2:14, Paul talks about "breaking down the walls that divide us." Many times, the best way to break down emotional walls is to reach out, in God's love, and offer the healing touch of a pat on a weary back, a quick hug for a lonely heart, or an encouraging hand on a burdened and bent shoulder.

Sidebar: Let me also be honest and open at this point. Rarely a week goes by that my husband and I don't hear of a marriage, family and ministry destroyed because of an affair. That affair began with one inappropriate thought that led to one inappropriate touch. Make no mistake, friend. The enemy wants to destroy you, your family, your home and your life. You can be certain he will attempt to do so - any way that he possibly can.  When he does manage to derail a man or woman, he dances on the ashes of the fallen ones and the Father weeps. This is where correction comes in. Along with the command to demonstrate the love of God in friendships, comes the responsibility of loving accountability and correction.


Key five: Correction

Naomi told Ruth to return to her home land, but Ruth refused to go. Instead, she confronted and corrected her mother-in-law. A brave woman! The results were dramatic. "When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her." Godly friendships have the element of correction. Correction brings authenticity and health to every relationship in life - especially friendships. A true friend puts your good above the risk of anger or rejection. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Proverbs 27:6 ). The "wound" is the correction or confrontation for the good of a friend. 

Silence is agreement and just as dangerous as holding a friend's hand as he or she walks toward the edge of a steep, deadly cliff. When a warning bell goes off in your mind, when you have a question in your spirit about any part of a friend's life, you are called to confront that friend in love. Failure to do so may very well result in their destruction. 

When I married into the Southerland family, I didn't know tent camping was part of the deal. I might have reconsidered (just kidding). I decided I could learn to camp and maybe even enjoy it. My first trip to Lake Greason in the foothills of the Ozarks was quite an experience. It did not take me long to learn the routine.  Every day, Dan's mom would prepare a huge breakfast. The kids did dishes and cleaned up while mom changed into her swim suit, donned her sun glasses, grabbed a towel and headed for the lake. On the shore, she grabbed an inner tube, positioned her towel in just the right spot, turned around and sat down in the tube.  Then she would float blissfully for hours. There was a slight problem with this plan. Lake Greason had a current that carried mom down the lake, around the bend and into the path of ski boats. Several times a day, someone would have to swim after her, pulling her back to the safety of the shore, where she would profusely thank them and go right back to floating. Finally, one of the kids came up with a great idea - a rope! We grabbed a ski rope, tied one end to mom's inner tube and the other end to a wooden stake driven securely into the ground. She could then float until the rope ran out and someone "reeled her in". 

Confrontation "reels in" that friend who is flirting with sin and headed straight into the hellish plans of Satan himself. I know confrontation is difficult at best. However, the reality is that anyone who actually enjoys confrontation and correction is probably doing it for the wrong reason and with an ungodly heart attitude, because the eternal, bottom line of God's heart is to restore the broken. A loving touch and Godly correction are powerful friendship keys. 

Let's Pray

Father, I confess that I often fail when it comes to being a true friend. Help me to be more aware of the opportunity to reach out and make a friend. Teach me how to nurture that friendship through healthy confrontation and a loving touch. May the friendships in my life honor and please You.

In Jesus' name,
Amen. 

I Need a Friend Part 2

I Need a Friend

Part 2

Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her (Ruth 1:16-18, NIV).

Friendship is the catalyst for every other love and the foundation of every healthy relationship.  God created us to need each other. We need friends and we need to be a friend. Over the next few days, we will continue to uncover nine keys to healthy friendships.

Key two:  Risk

The emotional demands on women are vast. One of the ways God replenishes the emotional drains we experience is through friendships. Many women are convinced that the risk of having close friends outweighs the rewards. I disagree. There is no love without risk. Every friendship must contain the element of risk if it is to grow and mature, reaching its full potential. Ruth was willing to risk her very future for the sake of her friendship with Naomi. John 15:13 says it well. "Greater love has no one than this; that one lay down his life for his friends." When we choose to lay down our life, we automatically take a chance on being hurt, rejected, betrayed or misunderstood.

Anyone who knows me also knows that living foliage is doomed to die a premature death if left in my care for any length of time. I have even been known to kill a plant without touching it. In fact, the only hope any plant of mine has to live past its purchase date is for me to ignore its existence with great diligence. I am certain you can understand why I am in awe of anyone who gardens and is actually capable of growing green things.  

I once had a neighbor who was known for her green thumb. In fact, everyone in our small Mississippi town knew that the most beautiful roses were found in Joyce's back yard. It was in that same yard where I learned an important lesson about friendship. 

Every afternoon, after their nap time, I took our two children, Jered and Danna, outside to play in our fenced-in back yard. While the kids enjoyed the fresh air, neighborhood friends and their swing set, I enjoyed visiting with Joyce. Most of our conversations took place over the vine-covered fence and her dazzling rose garden. After weeks of watching Joyce plant, prune, water, feed, talk to and even sing to her "Rose Babies." I noticed that Joyce never handled the roses without wearing thick gloves to protect her hands from thorns. One day, our conversation abruptly halted when she yanked her hand into the air and yelled, "Ouch!" When I asked her why she insisted on growing roses instead of some safer and less prickly foliage, her answer was profound. "The beauty of the roses is worth the occasional wound they inflict," she replied.  Joyce had learned to handle the roses with respect and in such a way that her wounds were few. Friendships are much the same.  

Friends will hurt you. Friends will wound you. We would be wise to don thick emotional gloves when it comes to handling friendships. It is a fatal mistake to assign the responsibility for our happiness to friends. In reality, depending on a friend to make us happy sets that friend up for failure in the relationship and positions that friendship for inevitable destruction. For example, I have a friend who simply cannot keep a secret. She would do anything in the world for me - except keep her mouth closed. Because I love her and don't want to write her off as a friend, I have simply chosen to be cautious about what I share with her. Every friendship has a price tag of some kind attached. We just need to get to the place where love covers the cost. 

The words of 1 Peter 4:8 say it well, "Love covers a multitude of sins." In this verse, "cover" literally means to "hide" or "overlook" the faults. Friendship knows the weaknesses are there, but chooses to love anyway. Friendship is always costly but always well worth the cost.  

Key three: Transparency

In verse 16, Ruth offers an amazing display of transparency. "Where you go I will go. Where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God, my God." Openness and honesty nourish friendship. We are naturally drawn to transparent people because transparency produces authenticity. In fact, one of the most winsome aspects of Jesus was the fact that He was so transparent and lived an authentic life. He did not remain aloof from His disciples. He lived among them, sharing every part of their lives. He ate with them, prayed with them, ministered with them, cried with them and laughed with them. Jesus repeatedly opened Himself up to the disciples.  

John 15:15 "I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father."

Jesus made a deliberate choice to be transparent, modeling friendship at its best. He was hurt, betrayed and rejected by those He called friends. Still today, He waits for you and for me, longing to be the most transparent and authentic friend we have. Life can be a very lonely place.  Jesus knows. Friendships are not only an important source of encouragement to us as women, but a valuable source of strength as well. I am convinced that if we built fewer relationship walls, we would have more friends and be a better friend.  

Let's Pray

Father, I have to admit that it is sometimes easier to be lonely than it is to be authentic and real with others. Forgive me for letting fear keep me from reaching out to someone in friendship. I am willing to risk being hurt. I am willing to be transparent in order to be a better friend. I lay every friendship at Your feet as an offering of praise for the Friend You are to me.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.